Apple sucks.

Haha. My favourite:

Thing 2.0

The tech world is on the verge of frenzy at the release on Tuesday of Thing 2.0 by market leader StuffCorp.

“It completely revolutionises the nature of stuff. Thing 2.0 is basically like nothing we have ever seen before. The game has literally changed.” said StuffCorp CEO Chris Warner.

And it seems like the public agrees, with over 2,000 people lining up outside of StuffCorp’s Silicon Valley superstore in order to be one of the first to get their hands on Thing 2.0.

IT aficionado Sam Doyle, who we spoke to after having lined up for 14 hours to get his hands on Thing 2.0, was adamant that it was worth the wait.

“Thing 2.0 is just in a league of it’s own. It does stuff twice as fast as its closest competitor, up to 12 trillion things per second, and that’s just unrivalled in the current market. I love it.”

But, behind all the hype, what does Thing 2.0 really offer? Well, the main change to Thing 2.0 that differentiates it from the original Thing is that it is 33% smaller, 20% lighter and can do literally ten times more shit than the original thing could do.

The improved performance of the Thing 2.0 essentially comes down to the BuzzWordDrive, which features 3 blue LED lights and an aerodynamic design, allowing it to perform the vast array of functions that the original Thing could only dream of.

170 million units of the Thing 2.0 have already been preordered, merely confirming how, in today’s fast paced world, it is simply irresponsible to get left behind.

Thing 2.0’s tagline “Do more shit per second, today.”, has clearly resonated with a public that has more to do, and less free time, than ever before.

But will the public be satisfied? This reporter thinks so, but with rumours of Thing 3.0 already in the works, public expectation is on the rise.