Sale of the Century: Who am I?

My purpose in life is to get married and have children before I am old enough to do so responsibly. I will then get bogged down in life working a shitty dead-end job and grow increasingly angry at the small world immediately around me while simultaneously growing increasingly ignorant of the world at large. I will expect the government to solve my problems and I will develop erroneous thought patterns moulded upon common logical fallacies. This unstable state of mind will be fuelled by modern media and I will easily succumb to the confusopoly of modern society. Who am I?