Xbox Live is a giant piece of fucking shit

In order to buy things from Xbox Live you must add your credit card details to your Xbox Live account. Fine. I can do that and then remove them afterwards, whatever Microsoft. Sounds pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? Well, I currently feel like the most stupid person in the world, because apparently, I am too dumb to know how to operate a fucking Xbox. You see, my Xbox Live account doesn’t work like that. I have tried to add three different credit cards to it: a Visa debit card, a Mastercard debit card, and a Mastercard credit card. All of them result in the same message: “Credit card could not be authorized.”

I will keep a running time line so as to fully illustrate the amount of complete and total fuck-headdery involved in using a fucking gaming console.

• 10 minutes spent initially to attach my Windows Live ID (my Hotmail) to my Xbox Live account, and attempting to add my Visa debit card
• 5 minutes spent going back to add another card, this time a Mastercard debit card
• 5 minutes spent going back to add yet another card, this time a Mastercard credit card
• Bearing in mind the above took so fucking long because I actually use a proper password which is RIDICULOUSLY LABORIOUS TO TYPE ON THE XBOX WITH A CONTROLLER AND THE ON-SCREEN KEYBOARD
• 10 minutes spent writing an angry post on a forum asking what the fuck is wrong with this fucking shit
• 15 fucking minutes spent on hold to Microsoft Xbox support to attempt to ask them what the fuck is wrong with this fucking shit. I didn’t get an answer because after this time I WAS STILL ON FUCKING HOLD
• 5 minutes spent creating an entirely new Hotmail account to link to my Xbox Live account, just in case my old Hotmail account from 2001 has some hidden bugs or some shit in it (hey, it’s Microsoft we’re talking, who the fuck knows how their Frankenstein systems work?)
• 5 minutes spent logging into the Xbox Live website (ALERT ALERT ALERT FATAL MISTAKE OMG YOU FUCKED UP BAD HERE OWEN)
• 10 minutes spent attempting to assign my new Hotmail account to my old Xbox Live account. At this point I am told that I can’t do this because this Hotmail account is already associated with an Xbox Live account. Recall just a moment ago I logged into the Xbox Live website. Yeah, that means I’ve created another Xbox Live account.

So far, including writing this post, I have spent over ONE HOUR of my time just trying to SPEND SOME MONEY. Now I am really confused because I have no fucking clue what to do. I can’t swap my Hotmail accounts between Xbox Live accounts because my Xbox won’t let me unlink my old Hotmail account. Yeah, it says on the support page that you can do it, but on my Xbox the option is simply greyed out with no explanation as to why. Typical shitty Microsoft UI design.

This is becoming exceedingly frustrating. I am just trying to spend some fucking money to buy some fucking songs for Guitar Hero (which will be censored anyway, I don’t even get the full songs, but that’s another argument for another day), and it’s so far taken me over an hour to accomplish ABSOLUTELY-FUCKING-NOTHING!

Have you ever tried to navigate the Xbox Live website? Let me tell you, IT FUCKING SUCKS! You can create things and sign into things, but you can’t delete things and you can’t log out of things. When I log into my new Xbox Live account, the one that is totally empty and serves no purpose at all and was in fact created by accident, there is NO WAY TO UNLINK the new Hotmail account I created. None. Nowhere. Ever. At this point in time it looks as though I’ll have to create YET ANOTHER Hotmail account, which is going to SUCK because I just used up my full name @hotmail.com on the NOW USELESS account I created! Awesome!