Words like “fuck” (OMG!) and “shit” (OMG!) are now garbled messes. Thank-you whoever fuckhead decided this was a good idea. You are a dickhead. A fuckbrain. A no-hoping moron. A fucking lunatic. A spastic deranged moron with a fucking shoe for a brain. Eat a bag of dicks.

*deep breath*

OK, I think I’m over it now. But censored music is still fucking stupid.

1. Media Centre Musings: Part 1 – The Theory
2. Media Centre Musings: Part 2 – The Plan
3. Media Centre Musings: Part 3 – Third Time’s the Charm
4. Media Centre Musings: Part 4 – Starting Implementation
5. Media Centre Musings: Part 5 – Putting it all Together

So, I’ve spent the money buying all the things I previously talked about.

First, a small rant – you may skip past this to the “what did I actually buy?” section of the post if you prefer:

I thought things were working out OK; and they will in the end, but I have come accross some caveats of operation through either my own ignorance or mistake or through clever non-mentions of information by the sales person at Harvey Norman.

The caveat I’m most interested in is this: as we all know, HDMI carries video and audio data compatible with DVI and PCM. So, alongside all the kerfuffle and marketing about how great HDMI is, I naturally assumed that the advancement and simplification of the home theatre system had come to a point where you could mostly plug everything into each other using only HDMI cables and not have to worry about anything else.

Well, I was wrong. My receiver (which I’ll talk about in more detail later on) has three HDMI inputs, and its manual proudly states it is “HDMI switching capable”; naturally I assumed I could simply plug my PS3, XBox360 and HTPC directly into the HDMI inputs with no other cables and have the receiver decode audio out to the surround speakers and pass the video onto the television. Seems pretty straight-forward, right? Not so!

Apparently the receiver I’ve purchased is capable of HDMI pass-through, but this is wholly and soully what it does. It passes it through without looking at it, at all. If I want to get my receiver to decode the audio from anything I plug in via HDMI (because this is the whole fucking point of the receiver and the surround speakers!) I have to connect both a HDMI for video and co-axial or optical audio cable from the device into the receiver.

Thankfully my receiver has three such inputs which will account for all of my devices and I can live happily ever after with the purchase of some additional cables. But fuck me! Is it just me, or is that ridiculous?

What did I actually buy?

In the end, my purchase planning worked. I ended up with everything I planned to buy at around the cost I was expecting to pay. Some things were cheaper than I expected but that was made up for by having to buy additional cabling.

• Television: Sharp LC46D77X, as planned.
• Games: I ended up buying a PS3 instead of a standalone BluRay player. I could have paid about $350-$400 for a standard player, or, what I did do in the end was pay $450 for a PS3 Slim 120Gb. I swore a few years ago never to buy anything Sony again, but what can I say? I really want to play GT5 when it comes out. I’ll also have an XBox 360 in a few weeks after my redemption with Sharp is processed. I’ve gone from owning no consoles to owning two-thirds of all the latest consoles. Great!
• Home Theatre Speakers: Onkyo TX-SR307 and JBL 5.1 “Simply Cinema” SCS-200.5 speakers. More on this later.
• HTPC: I went with the Pentium option. It was cheaper, after all.

How did I go from Yamaha to Onkyo and JBL? Well, that’s pretty much luck. I left hospital on Sunday, helped my dad with his new home theatre setup, and then headed to Harvey Norman to check out the sale that was ending that very day. Luckily for me, it was 30% off home theatre speakers. They had a few setups, none of which appeared to be particularly impressive (or if they were impressive, totally out of my price range) except two; the one I ended up buying and a Yamaha setup which was the model below what I wanted. The confusing part was the Yamaha setup with Klipsch speakers was $1500 versus the $1100 I paid for the Onkyo and JBLs – as I understand it, Onkyo and JBL are both better quality than Yamaha and Klipsch; the sales guy explained it was because the latter system had more overall power output. I am not terribly concerned with overall output as I live in a town house complex, so high volumes are a no-no anyway (as it stands, the total system output of my new system is something like 500 Watts, and previously a 125 Watt 5.1 computer speaker setup was sufficing). The marked price was $1200 but he dropped it to $1100 because he didn’t actually have them in stock on the day.

My current dilemma is trying to figure out the best way to connect them all together. Originally my plan with my new home theatre was to connect everything to everything else through the A/V receiver as explained above in my rant.

So I thought I could do all that with HDMI cables only. Apparently not: my A/V receiver will only pass-through HDMI directly without touching it. So any audio carried over HDMI will go straight to the TV stereo speakers and not to the surround sound where I want it.

OK, fine.

• First option: So, what I want to do is have all of the devices plug via HDMI into the A/V receiver and then have a seperate (S/PDIF, co-ax or optical) cable for the audio also plugging into the A/V receiver.
• Second option: Or, do I want to plug all of the HDMI cables straight into the television and only connect the audio cables from each device to the A/V receiver? Saves me buying another HDMI cable to go from A/V -> TV.
• Third option: OR! Do I want to plug all of the HDMI cables, carrying both audio and video, and ONLY the HDMI cables, into the TV, and then have a single audio cable from the TV’s optical audio out to the A/V receiver?

All three “should work”, but what’s the best way? I guess I’ll have to experiment when I actually get my receiver later in the week.

WHAT THE FUCK?

The skit wasn’t that great. Had a laugh because they were sending up Michael Jackson more than anyone else, and he died recently, so maybe that’s a bit offensive, whatever.

All this talk about racism and shit? What the fuck? Blackface is pretty racist, granted. Is ‘blackface’ relevant to Australia? No. It was something that happened in America over 60 years ago. Now, by and large, you wouldn’t expect everyone to know about it on account of its generally obscure nature outside the USA. I certainly hadn’t heard of it before all this controversy. That’s the definition of ignorance.

So, that brings me on to the point: how can someone be intentionally racist on a topic they are ignorant of? If you don’t actually know about something, you can’t intentionally make fun of it. You might do something similar which resembles something racist that has been done in the past, but from your point of view, and anyone elses point of view who is unaware what you are doing may be interpreted as racism, it isn’t racist. These performers, and the Hey Hey team by extension, have all apologised for being unintentionaly racist, and that’s OK. They didn’t know. Nobody can know everything.

What really fucking annoys me is HCJ, his ridiculous comments, and the shitstorm he’s ignited over the issue. He was offended, fair enough. So, Daryl was graceful and made an apology to him directly on live fucking television. That’s pretty big, and shows, I think, that they were genuinely sorry. Fine, fine, whatever. The point at which this became an issue was when HCJ decided to go on his little self-righteous rant about making a statement on behalf of America? What the fuck?

I transcribed it from the show:

And I just wanted to say on behalf of you know, of my country I know it was done humourously, but we’ve spent so much time trying to not make black people like buffoons that when we see something like that we take it really to heart. I know it was done in good fun, and the last thing I wanna do is take this show to a real y’know down level, ’cause you know how much I love this show and this country because I feel like I’m at home here, but if I knew that was gonna be a part of this show I probably, I definitely wouldn’t have done it. So thank-you for the opportunity, but I gotta give it up cause Daryl said, I told him at the break, he said, man you’ve gotta speak as an American, not as a white American or a black American, but as an American I need to say that, so thanks for giving me the opportunity.

I think Monty Python expressed this annoying personality disorder best quite some time ago. In short: “I just wanna say, let me tell you” to shut the fuck up.

And let’s not forget Kamahl boycotting the show in his own little way. Kamahl, your ‘why are people so unkind?’ line was funny at the time you said it and went on to become its own in-joke that has obviously been running a long time. There’s nothing racist about what someone said being taken humorously by other people and turned into a joke. Granted, his accent does add some of the humour, but if we aren’t allowed to make fun of accents because it’s racist… well, that actually doesn’t even make any sense. A persons accent comes from those of the people they grow up and live with and has nothing to do with a persons race.

Fuck me! The stupidity honour guard are out in force on this issue.

What can we do about it? Well, we can e-mail this guy: Michael Atkinson

Not sure what to write? Here’s one I prepared earlier:

Hon Michael Atkinson,

In light of the OFLCs recent decision to Refuse Classification to the upcoming PC game Left 4 Dead 2, I am writing to you in the hopes that I may be able to enlighten yourself and the Attorney-General’s Department on why the lack of an R18+ classification for games is not in the best interests of the Australian public.

Instead of re-writing the many great arguments in support of the R18+ classification, I will link to an excellent article published by the ABC earlier in the year:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/03/16/2516911.htm

The full text of which is below:

Adult rating for video games long overdue
By Ron Curry

Posted Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:30am AEDT
Updated Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:43am AEDT

When Steven Spielberg announced in 2005 that he would partner with a major games developer to collaborate on a number of games, saying at the time that he had “watched the game industry grow from a niche into a major creative force in entertainment”, there was no denying that the often marginalised industry had come into its own.

With renowned directors Peter Jackson and James Cameron following suit, it has become clear that video games had moved into the mainstream. Once deemed strictly the domain of teen boys locked in their bedrooms, the video game industry now rivals the film industry both in terms of revenue and in the range of diverse content it produces.

In January this year the industry announced that in 2008 sales of interactive games and hardware had grown a staggering 47 per cent to $1.96 billion dollars, with the largest growth category being “family entertainment” which grew by 58 per cent compared to 2007. While family gaming is quickly growing as a category, it is adults who represent the ‘average consumers’ of interactive entertainment. The most recent research, The Interactive Australia 2009 study, conducted by Bond University and commissioned by the Interactive Entertainment Association of Australia found that the average age of an Australian game player is 30. It’s clear that if 30 is the average, then there are many more ‘gamers’ who are older than that.

So with interactive entertainment now closely mirroring the film industry and given the majority of game players are adults, it would come as a surprise to many that Australia is the only developed country not to have a video game classification category that allows these adults to enjoy content which is age appropriate. Instead, they are limited to content that is deemed suitable for a person of 15.

Prior to 1973, Australia did not have an R18+ classification for film in what was then, and is now, largely viewed as draconian censorship laws depriving adults of the ability to make informed choices about what they viewed. The public debate at the time shares many themes with current discussions about the introduction of an adult rating for video games. Should entertainment be morally edifying? Will civilised society as we know it collapse with the sanctioned availability of adult content? Will exposure to ‘antisocial’ themes in this content prompt copycat behaviour?

For the 91 per cent of both gamers and non-gamers surveyed for the Interactive Australia 09 study who responded that they were in favour of the introduction of an R18+ classification, these concerns do not seem to be an issue. In fact, many respondents were unaware that there wasn’t a relevant classification for games catering for mature content. These are the same adults who are confident they could protect their children from accessing this content in the same way they do from adult only film or literature.

While the lack of an R18+ rating does raise questions about adult’s rights to make choices about the content they view or play, it also has a number of other implications as the technology industry as a whole continues to move at warp speed.

With technology convergence blurring the distinction between different styles of media content, managing appropriate classification content within an inconsistent regime is increasingly difficult. The argument for harmonising not only the guidelines but also the classification scheme for films and computer and video games is compelling. To add perspective, the current legislation was written in 1994, long before the DVD was in use, let alone current generation gaming and mobile devices. As all entertainment mediums continue to evolve and collide, harmonisation of classification content (rather than delivery method) becomes increasingly important.

Finally, it is important to point out that the proposed R18+ classification for computer and video games will not result in the availability of games containing excessive violence or explicit sex. Material within the R18+ classification would be strictly limited with permissible content set out in the classification guidelines and material exceeding the R18+ guidelines would be refused a classification; just as it exists today for film and video.

The introduction of a consistent and content-specific classification system will offer consumers the information they need to confidently make choices of the entertainment content which is appropriate for them and their families.

Moving forward, a decision to approve the introduction of an R18+ rating for games must be made unanimously by attorneys general across the country. For the past six years Michael Atkinson, the South Australian Attorney-General, has maintained a long-running opposition to the proposed system, blocking its introduction.

In March 2008 however, a decision was made to take the matter to public consultation, a process that is expected to materialise in a public forum this year. As an industry, we are looking forward to the opportunity for genuine and open community discussion on the subject.

Ron Curry is CEO of the Interactive Entertainment Association of Australia

As is noted at the end of the article, the author obviously has a vested interest in the availability of as many PC games as possible in the Australian market. While he may indeed be biased, the point is this: ask any gamer over the age of 18, and they’ll fully agree with him.

As an adult, I believe that I am the only one capable of making the decision of what is appropriate for me to watch, listen to, read or indeed — play.

Of course we have the classifications scheme in place as a guide for adults to make decisions about what material their children has access to, and there are R18+ or similar-style ratings for all other types of medium as I’m sure you’re aware.

Video gamers of Australia are all scratching their head and posing the question, “Why not video games too?”

- Owen

Plaintext found here.

I’m a ‘downloader’. I download television programmes from popular torrent websites for several reasons:

1. Unavailability in Australia; typically the shows I download aren’t aired on free-to-air television, or if they are, it is several months (even years) behind the airing in the US. This is problematic because when going online to discuss my favourite shows, US and other overseas viewers have already seen and are well ahead of the episodes I’ve seen.
2. Easy to watch; I can watch the downloaded show whenever I want, wherever I want. I can put it on my phone and watch it on the train to work if I really want.
3. No advertisements; helpfully, the people who record the shows cut the advertisements out.
4. Reliability; sometimes the FTA networks will air episodes out of order for whatever their obscure reasons are, usually to boost viewers at certain times for advertising reasons. When episodes are linked and follow a greater story arc, this is incredibly annoying.

As for the legal issues?

From the point of view of Australia FTA networks; they should get their act together and get overseas shows here sooner. They should cut the crap advertisements (people screaming about sales, SALES, SALES!!!) and condense advertisements into a single block at the end of a programme/beginning of the next.

From the point of overseas content creators; they should get their acts together with networks worldwide and make sure content is released globally simultaneously. It really is ridiculous in this day and age that programmes take months to be “shipped” (they are not physically shipped of course) overseas. It’s similar to region encoded DVDs that are “locked” to a particular country in order to enforce artificial price tiers in different countries simultaneously.

From my point of view; I don’t much care for the legality of it, which is why I do it. However, if the content providers or networks did offer a download service it would have to be flexible, ie no DRM. Fair use (for me) means I should be able to transcode the content to another file format for playback on another system that I own if I so desire.

The main show that I download, and will religiously download no matter what, is Top Gear from UK. I can literally watch the episode about an hour after it is aired in the UK. The producers of TGUK have indirectly commented about this phenomenon on their official blog and do not seem against it in the slightest. Then again, TGUK is funded through payments collected by the British TV licensing system and as such the British people already “own” all shows paid for through this scheme, so there are no networks/content providers involved to complain about “stolen revenue.”

Well, I’ll tell you: I’m someone who detests time wasting. Reinstalling my operating system was a waste of time. Whose fault was it? Well, I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of the following three parties: Asus, Microsoft, Valve.

1. Asus, because their shitty driver package can’t uninstall itself properly. I originally made use of the onboard sound on my Asus motherboard, and I uninstalled it to make way for my new Asus soundcard. Unbeknownst to me, the uninstall feature of the drivers was for diddlysquat. It uninstalled the annoying configuration application, and that’s about it. There were registry entires and dll files strewn all through my system and I had no idea where or how many.
2. Microsoft, because obviously their driver management is too hard for some companies (Asus, but I’m sure there are others: why do so many driver cleaner apps exist?). Really, it’s not very hard. In Linux, many device drivers are a single binary blob, or in the case of open-source drivers, a binary blob with source attached. You load it with one command, and you unload it with one command. When you want to uninstall it (ie, remove it completely), you just delete the file. Bingo! All gone. Upgrade to your hearts content. Not with Windows.
3. Valve, because their software’s configuration options could not be more limiting or vague. Sure, I selected the correct mic input in Steam, but did that have any effect on the games themselves? No. Know why? Because they were ignoring settings from Steam. They tried to be too smart and they messed up, because whatever configuration I tried, the games themselves insisted on trying to grab input from a device which no longer existed (my old onboard sound).

But hey, who am I to criticize? Oh that’s right, I’m a paying customer. Fuck your shitty drivers, Asus. Fuck your shitty driver management, Microsoft. And fuck you, to a lesser extent, Valve, for making your software so damn vague.

Now that my rant’s over, I can talk about the problem I was having: uninstalling my old onboard soundcard software didn’t completely remove all of the hooks it left, well, everywhere. So there were dll files and registry settings and who knows what else ruining a lot of things. This lead to my Source-based games (Team Fortress 2, Left 4 Dead) not being able to initialise the microphone, with the following printed to the console when trying to configure audio options:

Unable to initialize DirectSoundCapture. You won’t be able to speak to other players.

It also left Unreal Tournament 3 completely unplayable, as it would lock up before even entering the main menu, presumably due to the game trying to make use of an OpenAL audio device which no longer existed. There is a file located in the Windows system directory which you can delete to resolve this issue, but the forum post describing this procedure escapes my Google-fu at this time. I do recall it was related to solving issues with Creative X-Fi audio cards and OpenAL.

So, in the end I finally have a fully working Vista gaming system. And people say Windows is “user friendly”, ha!

Of course, if Microsoft included that option, they might find their market share dented somewhat. Which is exactly why they don’t include it. I’m going to format and put XP on it anyway, but that’s not the point. Non-technical users should be given a choice. 99% of the time they’ll hit “yes” without a second thought (without any thought at all for some), but that other one percent, maybe they’ll wise up…

DMCA and Google delisting

In various incidents documented in such publications as The New York Times, Slashdot and Wired,[21] Scientology has also used the controversial Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) to force notable Web sites (including the Google search engine)[22] to remove the Operation Clambake homepage, and several leaflets containing copyrighted information, from their indexes.[23][24] Because the Xenu.net site itself is based in Norway, it does not fall under the jurisdiction of the DMCA.[25][15][26]

In March 2002, Google agreed to limit access to material critical of Scientology on www.xenu.net, after it was sued by the Church of Scientology for copyright infringement.[26][27][28] Information the Church of Scientology had objected to included an internal report on the death of Lisa McPherson, and images of L. Ron Hubbard.[29] Google received criticism for its actions, and The Guardian reported that Operation Clambake suspected the Church of Scientology was mainly concerned about secret documents where “L Ron Hubbard is said to describe how an alien galactic ruler called Xenu is the root of all human woe.”[30] After Operation Clambake was delisted by Google, free speech advocates besieged Google, complaining that the company was censoring search results.[31] Prior to Google’s delisting of the Operation Clambake site, CBC News reported that the site was listed fourth in a search for “Scientology.”[32] However after Google’s actions, Xenu.net did not appear in searches for “Scientology”.[33]

Please read your warranties, either before or immediately after purchasing a product. Most companies will have their warranty agreements available either on-line, or you may request at your place of purchase to read the warranty before handing over your hard-earned.

Please, for the love of all customer service people worldwide, read your warranties and understand what obligations you as the customer have to the company you are purchasing from, and what obligations that company has to you as the customer.

If anything is left out, or appears ambiguous, ask about it. Sometimes sneaky companies like to leave things a little cloudy so they have some leeway in the event of a problem. If this concerns you, perhaps buy from another company.

I’m sick of talking to people who invent portions of warranty agreements to suit their own selfish needs. They cause arguments and waste time; precious time I could be spending solving genuine problems of customers who aren’t ignorant, arrogant, or outright stupid.

You can’t work around a warranty. They’re written by teams of smart lawyers who know more about the law than you do. You either accept it or you don’t. There’s no leeway. Don’t like it? Don’t buy the product.

Once again, I state: please, customers, please read your warranty agreements; thoroughly and thoughtfully. They’re typically only a page or two in length. You have five minutes to read it. I don’t have five minutes to argue the finer points of it with you all several times a day. I have work to do, and you probably do too.

Stop wasting everyones’ time.

Initially I set out to buy something I loved. Something a little sporty, something with character. Something with power and handling and all the essentials that make the ideal driver’s car. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a lot of money to play with, and that severely narrowed my options. Essentially, I wanted to find something that was rear-wheel drive and had the associated handling benefits, but was also semi-practical in terms of fuel efficiency. It’s easy to find a rear-wheel drive car with a big engine, any Falcon or Commodore ever made meets these prerequisites, however they aren’t very practical in terms of fuel usage, insurance or registration costs.

So obviously, I had to find something that was four-cylinder, sporty, and rear-wheel drive. As you may or may not be aware, pretty much all inexpensive four-cylinder cars made since the mid-eighties are front-wheel drive; it’s cheaper. In any case, I didn’t want to buy a car from the 1980s because every car made in that period was styled with all the passion and elegance of a cardboard box. Every car from the eighties is a box, and the only curvy part on such cars are the wheels.

This meant I was to turn the back a few pages in the history of motoring to the 1970s, where I surprised myself by reminding myself of a car I’d nearly forgotten, and had always wanted. Toyota’s Celica is a car I’d been pining for during my highschool years. When I started highschool, there was a senior student who had one. It was a metallic blue RA28 — the famed “Mustang fastback” — with LT2000 badges. Whether or not it was a genuine LT2000 is another question, one which I’ll never know the answer to, because the fuckhead wrote it off by rolling it in the field adjacent to the school while doing doughnuts, showing off to his mates.

So while browsing around the internet, I came across a few nice looking TA22 and TA23 models. These are the earlier versions from 1971-1976 which have charm in themselves, but they simply are not in the same league as the beautiful 1977 RA28 “Mustang” Celica. The main difference between the models was that the ’22s and ’23s were more narrow-looking and almost spindly in appearance, the rear end is curved inward and they appear to taper at both ends. The RA28 was more aggresive; with the front appearing wider and more staunch. These lines followed through the rest of the car to the rear, where the back was square with large, imposing Ford Mustang style tail lights.

I spotted a nice-looking TA22; black with the original 2TG motor. This is the 1.6L, twin-cam, twin-carb version that in its heyday produced around 80kW and 150Nm of torque. Not bad for a 30-odd-year-old engine. What made this car worth looking at was the fact the engine had been completely rebuilt about 5,500km ago, meaning that it would be just like driving it new. Unfortunately though it was located in Bundaberg; with three hours of driving between here and there, it was going to be an issue to see it. So the idea was put on the backburner for a few days, while I argued with myself and my dad about looking for a more sensible option. Of course, I wasn’t ready to give up on my dream yet, remembering that I’d wanted one of these Celicas since I first saw one all those years ago.

All the other Celicas I found were interstate, or had problems, or there was always some major issue with getting to see it or known problems from the outset. Imagine my surprise when browsing eBay, I come across this beauty, not even 10km from my house…

We went to check it out, and aside from a few small issues, it was perfect, and in my price range as well. Although it was not a true GT Celica with the 2L, twin-cam, twin-carb 18R-G engine, it had a balanced and blueprinted 18R-C (single cam, single carb) motor, which for the uninitiated means that the engine had been completely dismantled and all the parts tweaked to ensure maximum operating efficiency with respect to all the other parts of this particular engine; whereas cars coming from a factory are made to the specifications of the design, having your engine balanced and blueprinted means that in addition to being made to the specifications of the design, they’re also made to the specifications of each other. It also had airconditioning and the interior was in pretty good condition.

We took it for a drive, with the owner driving, as you would with such a rare classic. In fifth gear, uphill, with the bulk of approximately 300kg of people in it, and the airconditioning on full, the “weak” 18R-C motor was able to pull hard and accelerate quickly. It handled brilliantly in terms of being a drivers car, the ride was firm and the car told you everything that was going on under the wheels. I loved it, I wanted it, it was mine!

It was for sale on eBay. The auction was ending in a day or two. On the morning of the auction end, I woke up to find that it had ended about 15 minutes before I woke up. I was shocked. Fucking stupidly, I had failed to notice the auction end time was in AEDST; Australian Eastern Daylight Savings Time, and the auction was running on time an hour ahead of my own clock. I regret that mistake. It was the perfect car.

While we’re on the subject, here are some links to Celica porn: Celica gallery, and this beauty: Smoky the Bandit, which is one of the most awesome cars I’ve ever seen. Combining 1970s beauty with today’s modern technology, it’s a perfect balance of elegance, technology and power. It fucking looks hot as and I bet it goes like stink too.

After I got over that car, dad and I decided to go look at the Celica in Bundy.

We woke up at about 3AM one morning and made the uneventful trip in approximately three and a half hours, mostly travelling in the slightly-above-speed-limit speed range. Fortunately I got to drive this particular car, and although it looked nice in the photos and had the rebuilt engine, aesthetically it was fucked, with rust in major areas and the interior showing its age. To drive it though… was wonderful. You could hear the engine roar, you could feel the road at your fingertips through the steering wheel, and everything made a genuine metallic sound. This car was in no-way muffled, restricted or softended. It was 1974 manufacturing at its finest. It had decent power and torque, and was better than I expected with respect to that, but the seller wanted too much for it. He was dreaming. We had to depart and leave it behind us, and I was disappointed once more.

The next car I set my sights on was something completey different. Spotted in the Just Cars magazine, and out of my price range, I called on a whim to see what kind of deal I could work out. Surprisingly, the seller was happy to take what I was offering, so we organised to view the car… on the Sunshine Coast. A bit better than Bundy (a bit! more like a lot), but still a fair distance away. It was a 1987 Mazda Familia GTX; or in other words, the Japanese version of the Mazda 323/Ford Laser, with a 1.6L twin-cam turbo engine and your standard rally-style all-wheel drive system. It was white, with white rims, and it looked awesome. Taking it for a drive, it drove great. It was very powerful and accelerated hard, it handled excellently and stuck to the road. It wasn’t rear-wheel drive, but it was the next best thing. Although in looks it could never match the Celica, it made up for it with modern technologies and conveniences, such as electric mirrors, windows, and an electric sunroof! It was great.

We organised some simple legal papers and I put a deposit on it, with the deal being whatever was required to make the car roadworthy was taken off the final price. So, we took the car home. My dad, who generally hates “small Japanese buzzboxes” surprised me by telling me he found the car excellent on the highway on the way home, not too uncomfortable despite the lowered suspension, etc. We booked it into the mechanics, and… you guessed it, it was fucked. The assessment was it required approximately $4000 worth of parts and labour to make the car roadworthy, and that’s not including the turbo/engine rebuild it would’ve required in about six months’ time, on account of the turbo boost being dialled in at approximately double the standard level, with stock engine internals. The seller was quite surprised… strangely, I thought, it didn’t make a lot of sense for her to be. She said that eight months ago, she’d had the car checked out and it was excellent, in top condition. Then she lent the car to her friends for six months, and then we had it checked out, and it turns out to be fucked. I’m thinking… what do you really think happened in that six months?

Some people…

After the Familia Fiasco, I was again disheartened. I had given up on buying a sporty, performance-oriented vehicle at this point. I decided that if I couldn’t have speed, I’d have luxury. So, I did the leave-a-deposit-and-get-back-to-you dance again with a 1993 Mazda 626 on the south side of Brisbane. It sounded great; only 95,000km, good condition, etc. The seller didn’t give a fuck about the car because he’d had a new one for a few months, and it showed. Although the interior was pretty good, the car was a car park bitch, and had bits of paint missing from trolleys, small dents and crap all through it. Also, for some reason, they’d managed to close their garage door on the rear spoiler and bumper several times over, chipping the paint back to bare metal in several places.

So, I took it for a test drive, and organised to come back another day with a deposit and some more knocked-up legal documents along the lines of “if the mechanic says it’s shit, I’m not buying it” … typically, this car needed a fuckload of work too, though only $2000 this time. It essentially made the car worth a lot less than what they were asking, and I wasn’t prepared to pay money for something that was so seriously fucked. Several major engine seals (tappet cover gasket, head gasket) were fucked, the water pump was leaking, and it needed a new induction hose, which cost $280 alone.

In any case, it was probably for the better, because being a low-volume import car (imported by Mazda), parts were typically more expensive than your standard Australian delivered vehicle, and consumables were more expensive too. Tyres for example on average cost approximately $15 more per tyre because of their non-standard shape. Plus it was a 2.5L V6, and although it had nice power and torque, and was only small capacity, I think I’d feel the fuel cost more than I would’ve liked.

After that, things were looking pretty grim. I found a few more Celicas, and a few more Mazda 626s, but they were all too far away. By this point I’d spent approximately $250 on mechanics inspections, fuel, and other associated costs when travelling the countryside to check out cars. It was by chance that I came across the car I’m actually buying, and just convenient where it’s located: about five minutes’ drive from my house.

It’s small, white, and pretty boring. Though, it is in very good condition, it drives well, it has air-conditioning, and with the 1.6L GA16DE, achieves approximately 5.4L/100km or 18L/km highway fuel economy, which is a far cry from the 10L/100km or 10km/L that the above Celicas and 626 would’ve given me. I have had this inspected by the mechanic, with the result being a rear suspension component needed replacing, which is covered by the inclusion of a roadworthy certificate, so I’m not paying for it. It has approximately 213,000km on it, but it’s been regularly serviced on the dot every 5,000km and has been fed only BP Ultimate in its life, so hopefully that will bode well for the next 200,000km; not that I’m likely to be doing that many kilometres before I sell it!

Funnily enough, the seller attended highschool with me, in the same year as well. So it’s local, cheap, good condition, and perfect in every way, except of course for the fact that it’s not fast and it’s not exciting. Oh well, I can’t have everything.

Already I have plans for it, including, but not limited to:

• Remove black strip on the side; paint it white, put it back on;
• Rear bumper slightly dented; fix
• Add front driving lights (hopefully I can find some genuine Nissan ones to put in the front bar);
• Addition of remote keyless entry and alarm to existing central locking and immobiliser;
• Buy a dash mat
• Clear side indicators

They’re the sensible options that I’m probably going to do soon after I get it. Of course, there are a few other things I want to do that aren’t sensible and are simply a waste of money in terms of practicality… but:

• Some white 16″ or 17″ wheels
• Lowered
• Pod filter
• Extractors and exhaust

Probably won’t happen for a while, if ever.

So, I pick it up Tuesday. ^_^